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Halloween again

The Professor Woos the Witch
Nocturne Falls
Kristen Painter
paranormal, humour, satire, romantic comedy
Kristen Painter
(9 Oct. 2015)

Welcome to Nocturne Falls, the town that celebrates Halloween 365 days a year. The tourists think it's all a show: the vampires, the werewolves, the witches, the occasional gargoyle flying through the sky. But the supernaturals populating the town know better. Living in Nocturne Falls means being yourself. Fangs, fur, and all. Pandora Williams is Nocturne Falls’ most successful real estate agent. And least successful witch. Her magic never has the intended outcome, but she’s learned to live with that. Mostly. Yes, it sucks, but what can she do? Then a hot new neighbor shows up and suddenly her magic works. Very cool, but very suspect. Especially since he’s a total non-believer. Cole Van Zant likes practicality and absolutes. Things he can see and touch. So not magic. But when his teenage daughter insists she’s a witch—and they’re now living in a town that celebrates Halloween every day—he needs help. Of the witchy variety. Thankfully, his sexy neighbor buys into all that hocus pocus. Enlisting her help seems like a great idea until spending time together reveals a supernatural surprise about who Cole really is. A secret even he didn’t know. Could Pandora and Cole really be meant for one another or is their attraction too much to believe?

Nocturne Falls and its strange community  include many magical or magic using inhabitants and that includes a witch or two. In fact a whole coven of witches.

A Professor on sabbatical from his teaching job comes to the town to help his daughter stabilise.

But she insists she is a witch and their neighbour believes her!

I really like this series and there are just so many inhabitants to write about, Kristen will be writing this series for many years…

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Laugh until the tears runs down your face!

There aren’t many books that make me really giggle and laugh with tears running down my face whilst reading – but several passages in several of the Chronicles of St Mary’s books by Jodi Taylor had this effect on me.WTFUNIQUEsmartfunnyPAGETURNERmust-read
Truthfully, I find her a very refreshing author who writes in a such a fast- paced, clear and funny way that you find yourself really being able to visualise the events as they are occurring to her combatants and the unfortunates who encounter them and thus get embroiled in their mishaps.
There are currently 6 books about the St Mary’s crowd and 3 short stories. It is best if you try and read them in order – including the short stories, as then you can follow the very convoluted lives of the inhabitants of this ‘history observed in real time’ establishment. Please please never say the dreaded words – time travel – they do go backwards to historical events – but to observe only and then correct the history books! They are historians after all – well some of them are. Some are the security squad who are required to protect these historians when they get into scrapes.
Some are the research geeks who want to see if some of the recorded historical science is viable. Now this can really get them into trouble – especially with swans who live on the lake in the grounds who get rather irate when they are turned blue or their lake is set on fire! They also need a technical squad to maintain the ‘pods’ which are definitely NOT time travel devices – and of course computers geeks, house maintenance, cooks to feed those with hearty appetites but not much discrimination of taste; and the admin staff to ensure that budgets are adhered to and funds are applied for and all the other stuff necessary to keep St Mary’s operational; and lastly, but very essentially, the medical staff to treat the various illnesses, accidents, and general body repairs required after the historians have been observing in real time.
So I thought I would just make you laugh and rather than reviewing the books as such I am going to give you some tasters of what I think are the funnier paragraphs. Just short excerpts.
 Excerpts from various books - not in book order!
Should you find yourself in a quiet back alley somewhere, it’s well worth checking around. There’s bound to be a pod and two bickering historians nearby. Wave if you like!
They wouldn’t have noticed if Napoleon’s army had swung through on their way to Moscow, singing the 1812 overture scored for full chorus, 21 cannons, and a tambourine.
At this hour I can assume the two of you are up to no good. Whatever it is, I want to be included.
I was as highly strung as a violin on steroids – which would be a cello I suppose.
Teenagers are inarticulate, acne-ridden lumps of inert matter. The only way you can induce movement is by trying to separate one from its mobile phone. And ..then the only way you can stop it attacking is with rhinoceros tranquiliser.
...it is a complete mystery to us. We have no idea whence the cabbage smell emanates. We have, in the past, constructed new pods and the next day we are overwhelmed with the aroma of cabbage.
I don ‘t know if other people’s swans can do this but I swear ours an go up a forty-foot beech tree faster than a banker can collect his bonus.
She said nothing in a manner that conveyed volumes.
I said nothing in a manner that I hoped conveyed my complete innocence.
She said nothing in a manner that conveyed her disbelief in my complete innocence.
I said nothing in a manner that conveyed my hurt at this lack of trust in me.
I however, was grateful that my boots would be based on the conventional design and not related, in even the smallest way, to anyone’s testicles. And there aren’t many jobs where you can make that statement.
For some time, he was considered the world’s first tabloid journalist ...until ..it was discovered that what had been regarded as a particularly imaginative bit of reporting, concerning giant Persian ants who dug up gold dust as they excavated their burrows was true after all...
I do know that here at St Mary’s where the concepts of mouths shut and heads down (unless Professor Rapson was in the vicinity of course) was virtually unknown, he stood out like a small golden nugget in an assembly of politicians, bankers and estate agents.
 We regarded him with all the dismay of a politician who has suddenly remembered the existence of the electorate only tem minutes before the polls close.
Suddenly, everyone was at their oars and we were ready for the start of the race – a traditional St Mary’s demonstration of entropy – from order to disorder. In the words of the song ‘Nobody does it better’.
Believe it or not there were rules. Everyone needs rules. After all, how can you break what doesn’t exist? Rules give anarchy something to aim at.
After a great deal of wriggling through the snow on their bellies, they made the simultaneous discovery that they couldn’t feel their todgers. I didn’t even want to speculate on what they were doing to make this discovery......were rushed to Sick Bay..and when I eventually got to them, they were sitting on a table, carefully immersing their affected members in pint beer glasses filled with warm water.
The last time I went out with you, you nearly lost an arm. Try to take a little more crae this time. It took ages to wash your blood out of my hair.
Getting things done at St Mary’s is a bit like elephants mating....there’s frantic activity at high level. There’s screaming and stamping. A lot of dust is raised. Nothing happens for two years and then you’re crushed by the result.
I’d never seen anything like it. The curtains matched the bedcovers, which matched the cushions – always a sign of a diseased mind.
[i] [Note to readers, these comments do not apply to her other book The Nothing Girl which is not intended to be funny in any way and will be reviewed at a later date.

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Enter the nosy artist and lots of guns!

The Body in the Landscape

By

Larissa Reinhart

A Netgalley Review
Just who is this all so nosy artist who just keeps encountering crimes including murder? And why is her brother in jail? And who is Tod? Luke? Max? And what are her relationships with them? How did Max hurt his knee?
For me, whilst this was a light-hearted romp through crime and murder, it was clearly not at all aimed at people who had not read the previous books in the series. There were a lot of complicated relationships. Family rivalries and past incidents that affected how people behaved that remained sketchily explained and then not as one first encountered them. Whilst I don’t mind this in a series, it does make it more difficult to give a critical review of a book when many of the links and much of the background is not explained.
That said, by 30% of the way through, enough was explained about some of the characters to encourage me to read on. I had considered giving up because I had been only peripherally drawn into the scenes and storyline.
But by 50% in I was irritated by the gun and hunting culture that permeated the story. And was not sufficiently concerned about the outcome to continue.
I agree with the reviewers of the author’s previous books that the style of writing  has amusing elements, but I was never inclined to smile let alone laugh – mainly I think due to the hunting and guns!
INFURIATINGMURDERMYSTERYSUSPENSE

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Simulate and activate your alternate

Simulation (Bk 2 in series): see PoP Travel

by

Tara Tyler

 

Would you really want life eternal? Just as when asked would I want to go to heaven, I think, hmm –might it not get boring after a while? Once you have done everything and been everywhere, what is there left to do? ‘Course if you are a megalomaniac you can always find some mischief – or can you?

This is really a story about cloning brains and robots and as I have been watching ‘Humans’ on TV, I can see the appeal of all the nice bodies you could have – imagine if you could sculpt away all your bad parts and improve all your good parts. I would be six foot tall, red-haired, slim and very athletic. I would have long slim legs with a nice thigh gap and my breasts would support themselves, I would definitely have a bikini ready body… oh well. I can but imagine what I would look like. But would I want to live that long? No, actually I wouldn’t. If you believe that every day could be your last, then you act as your best person. You do good rather than bad/evil. You assume that you may well die today/tomorrow and thus there will be no time to address your bad bits, no time to right those wrongs. Life eternal could definitely lead to selfish, self-absorbed, moralistically challenged people. You could use your clone (if you were still alive) to do your work, and to do all the things you don’t want to/ couldn’t/ wouldn’t normally, do. And this has got to be bad.

I sort of see why people might want to clone a beloved pet and this is actually now done – there is Britain’s first cloned dog – would normally cost £60,000 (!) but she won a competition for her.Britain_s_first_clone_dog

I found this book amusingly written but not as exciting or innovative as Pop Travel. I am giving this 3.5 stars – .5 for the humour.

 

 

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Dear Agony Aunt: I really like this boy but…

Dinner for Two

By

Mike Gayle

A paperback!!! The first I’ve read in a while but was in a Turkish bath house and needed a physical book to read, so borrowed this one from my daughter.

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What do you do when you turn thirty, are married, have a cat, and your wife has a miscarriage, AND you lose your job as a pop music journo? Clearly you become an agony aunt for a teen girl’s magazine.

This book has a number of  ‘Ah’  moments – such as when Dave writes a letter to his 6 week old foetus, and his columns as the self-aware male for the women’s magazine are very well written, as are his responses for the Agony Aunt.

But then in real life,  Mike – the author – has been a music journalist; and then wrote himself for a teen magazine as the Agony Aunt. So he definitely writes from experience and his own self-awareness shows in this book.

The best book I have ever read that was written by a male for the chick lit audience. He nails it!

5 stars.

 

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