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A Birthday in Hell

Fashionably Fooled Book Cover Fashionably Fooled
Hot Damned #13
Robyn Peterman
Romantic Comedy, Paranormal Vampire, Devils and Demons
Independently published
(23 Mar. 2020)

A day in the life of the Devil should be exhilarating—lying, stealing, cheating at poker and finally beating Mr. Rogers…
Life should be wonderful.
Right?
Wrong.

The love of my dastardly immortal life is eating everything that isn’t nailed down and tried to behead me over a chocolate croissant. While I take chocolate croissants very seriously, I do believe decapitation is somewhat harsh.

My daughters, the Seven Deadly Sins, are driving me to drink. Getting them mated off and the hell out of Hell is at the top on my agenda.

The one thing that is keeping me sane—sane being a relative word—is my upcoming special day. After living a millennium and never knowing the date I came to be, I have sussed out the information from my certifiably insane, pole-dancing mother. She’s swears on her empty head that my birthday is April 1st.

Soon, April 1st will mean something. I’m no fool. I plan to make my birthday far more famous than my do-gooder nephew’s. That day in December will be forgotten when I get done making my womb eviction day the most important in the history of the Universe.

I shall simply go about business as usual. Punishments must be doled out and chaos must be encouraged. A vacation would be lovely, but there is no rest for the weary… or the evil. Luckily I know how to have an outstanding time doing outrageously bad things.

Thank Hades, I’m a handsome bastard.

Oh, and Happy Birthday to me.

Another Robyn Peterman delight.

So Satan decides that as he once didn’t exist, he must have been born, and thus had a birthday. Note that his brother, God, has one too.

If you have a birthday, then it only stands to reason you should have a party to celebrate that birthday . But when Satan asks his mother when he was born, his mother is very shifty and won’t tell him exactly when he was born. So, he decides to invent his birthday so that he can have a birthday party. In Hell. And so things develop from there. As you can imagine this book is full of humour, full of strange ideas, full of weird happenings. Robyn Peterman has a really strange imagination, but one that is very funny.

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Fighting Grannies

Were we Belong Book Cover Were we Belong
#5 Shift Happens
Robyn Peterman
Paranormal Romance and Demons
Independently published
(14 Jan. 2019)

I need a new freakin’ job. It’s not what you think. I’m desperate to resign from the Werewolf Treaty Federation aka WTF. Don’t judge. I didn’t name this crew of misfit Shifters so hear me out.After investigating a deadly Jazz Cabbage outbreak, I discover we need a necromancing Demon to help solve the crime. As luck would have it, my gay Vampyre BFF, Dwayne, dated one of these gems several decades ago. Seems all we need to do is summon his evil butt into this plane of existence and poof, crisis solved. The question is, can we bring him back without causing a flesh-eating, end of the world Zombie Apocalypse?With my hunky mate, insane Granny and flamboyant Dwayne by my side, we have no choice but to succeed. If we don’t, the reveal of our existence to the human world is imminent.We are Shifters. Werewolves. WTF. Shift Happens all the time. But this time, we’re making sure only good shift goes down.

As always, Robyn brings humour to her writing and I adore Granny, As an older person myself, I find her an inspiration and her fighting skills amazing! I only wish....
The Council that covers Weres and makes the rules, gets new members and the family, rather surprisingly, acquires new members.

So, in the end, we get a satisfactory, if gruesome ending

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Enter a Mermaid – and a Pirate






Tallulah's Temptation Book Cover




Tallulah's Temptation




Sea Shenaningans #1





Robyn Peterman





fantasy, paranormal, romance, humour,




CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform




(12 Jun. 2018)



Pirate Doug What in the Chicken of the Sea was I thinking to agree to this half arsed Otherworld Defense Agency mission? I’m the most absurdly good looking Vampire Pirate of the High Seas. Being on the run for my life is very important work… and a freaking full time job. Defending Mermaids from some vicious Sea Hags is going to cut into my pilfering time. Unacceptable. Even though this is a very bad move on my part, I know I’ll eventually agree—too many bounties on my arse to refuse, and the thought of a certain Mermaid makes my roger quite jolly. However, Tallulah, the leader of the Mystical Isle Pod of Mermaids, isn’t going to be happy to see me… at all. The horrible, sexy, breathtaking woman has been starring in my dreams for too many years to count. Sadly, just when my mind wanders to the really good nookie part, the dream ends with her lopping my Johnson off. I just hope to Hell and back that the Sea Hags have some outstanding booty to steal. If I’m going to have to regrow my tallywhacker, the treasure had better damned well be worth it. Tallulah Running a tourist trap for humans in the Bermuda Triangle had sounded like a fine plan—until it wasn’t. With the Sea Hags gunning for our island and ruining our questionably successful business, I did what any desperate Mermaid would do. I called for backup. Of course, getting help from the Otherworld Defense Agency is risky as they don’t usually deal with ocean creatures. Whatever. Desperate times call for crappy measures. Chances are they’ll send freaking Pirates. I hate Pirates… Well, I hate one Pirate in particular. Hopefully, it won’t be the one seafaring jackhole I despise more than any other. Pirate Doug would be an idiot to show his face here after what he’d done. Not only did the dumbass abscond with our treasure, the son-of-a-bitch took my heart with him as well. I’ll tear his sorry ass to shreds if he so much as steps even one hairy toe on my island.

Sorry Robyn.

This just wasn’t working for me – in my opinion not worth publishing but I know you have tried with this Pirate before.

For me the story just doesn’t go anywhere exciting or new in concept, and the characters didn’t appeal.

I got about 30% through in a very short time – lack of content – and gave up.

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Robyn always makes me laugh








Three's a Charm




Magic and Mayhem Book Six





Robyn Peterman





paranormal, humour, satire, romantic comedy




Robyn Peterman




(5 Feb. 2018)



What’s a witch to do when her magic is on the fritz and there’s a huge pile of laundry to be done? Easy. Flood the entire house. Everyone wants a bubbly indoor freakin’ swimming pool… right?

Just when everything is right in my life, something has to go wrong—times three. Number one: an unknown evil force wants to steal my power. Now, instead of protecting and healing the whacked out inhabitants of Assjacket, my power has wonked out on me and I’ve blasted ginormous holes all over town. Not to mention Roger the Rabbit is now sporting a pentagon of penii thanks to me and is keen on contacting the Guinness Book of World Records.

Unacceptable.

Armed with questionable voodoo skills and seriously frayed nerves, I’m Two: gonna do what any partially-sane, potty-mouthed, witch would do… I’m calling in the semi-evil, butt-ugly Bermangoggleshitz to train me. The warlock’s penchant for push-ups makes me hate him with the fire of a thousand suns, but if I can’t control my dark magic, it will control me.

Way unacceptable.

With Sassy and Cookie Witch by my side, I’ll Three: get a handle on my dark voodoo—or doodoo as I’ve renamed it—so Assjacket won’t end up as one massive crater. And I need all the help I can get. An evil like we’ve never seen is gunning for us—specifically me.

Wildly unacceptable.

We’ll be the Three Amigos. The Three Musketeers. The Three Stooges. Whatever. As the saying goes…three’s a crowd, three’s company, three’s a party.

Nope. Three’s a charm. And I’m gonna turn it on for all I’m worth.

 

Oh my Robyn, I am now seriously beginning to wonder just what you and your hubbie get up to when the kids are away…! I’m sure you’ll claim you just read it somewhere but I’m not so certain!

A really good funny, potty mouthed story, and the twins are adorable.

This book was really on form and I giggled my way through it.

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An Animated Diary






A Fashionably Dead Diary Book Cover




A Fashionably Dead Diary




Hot Damned #9.5





Robyn Peterman





demons, devils, angels




Robyn Peterman




(1 Dec. 2017)




Kindle



Getting blackmailed sucks. Getting blackmailed by Satan into ghost writing his autobiography/romance really sucks—hard.

But I’m not a weenie or a welsher. I’m a semi-materialistic, Prada lovin’ Vampyre-Demon with a bad attitude and a serious lack of cheating skills. If I were a good cheater, I wouldn’t be in this heinous position. I lost and now I have to pay. However, the price might deplete the wavering amount of sanity I have left…

So I’m turning to you, Dear Diary, to pour out my inappropriate feelings and murderous inclinations toward a family member who shall remain nameless. Who in the Hell am I kidding? I’m gonna name that butthole over and over on these secret pages. It’s Satan or Lucifer or the Lord of Darkness or the Dark Angel—or, as I like to call him, Uncle F%#ker.

That’s why I have chosen you, Dear Diary. You don’t have a mouth as far as I know and if you do, I’ll remove it—violently. Please keep that in mind as I tell you all my secrets. I’ve dealt with talking books and walls and they’re a real pain in the ass. So if you turn out to be one of those, we’ll have a problem.

Sit back. Relax and get ready for a Hellish ride.

xoxo Astrid

Yes, Lucifer’s threatened auto-biography is finally being written – and Astrid needs to vent as she takes dictation. So she writes a diary.

But the diary – as so often happens within this zany world is not quite what it seems and …..

Another original concept again here – just love the animate diary.

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